Thursday, August 26, 2010

Craziness

What a crazy time we've had lately. I finally got my new PINK DELL computer!! I also found some time to upload some pictures to this new laptop....So lately we've had TONS of stuff going on and we've been realllly busy. 

Anna and Baby Ian came to stay a few days with us and we tried to take some pictures of these boys....this is what we ended up with!! Lincoln was soooo tired he couldn't stand himself. We wanted cute cloth diaper pictures...but it just didn't happen. Some days are just like that!

We've been to the beach!!! Virginia Beach. Lincoln has officially put his toes in the Atlantic.

 We had a very great time. We spent two mornings on the beach with our sweet beach shade. We spent one morning at the pool in the hotel, that was sadly an indoor pool. We thought the pool next door to our hotel's parking garage was huge and beautiful and ours....only to find out it belonged to the hotel across the way. How disappointing! The indoor pool was so cold we wouldn't even put the baby in. No sun to warm it up, or warm us up. It just wasn't a very good time. However, we went tot the Virginia Aquarium.

It was so nice. They have tons of fish and sharks, and sting rays and such. There is a walk-through tunnel in one of the huge tanks and Lincoln couldn't get enough of it! He loved it....he just looked and looked and looked. 


We also visited Nauticus.

 It's like a science center that's all about the ocean, water, and the Navy. We watched a video about the tides, played with ropes and knots and explored a battleship. 

We even got to board a small schooner, the Virginia. It was all very nice. That was a nice way to spend the super hot afternoons after we'd cleaned up from the morning at the beach. 


We had to sleep in the same room with the baby...of course. That's just not so enjoyable! He makes so much noise at night time. It's so funny! I wonder why he makes so much noise while sleeping?! He grunts, wollers the bed, and sometimes fusses. He also had his very own bed to play on and for changing diapers and such. I thought we requested a king room, but the double queen ended up being wonderful so we could leave all the diapering stuff out all the time. It was beach front and I got to sit in the bed each morning and watch the dolphins jump while I nursed the baby. It makes for a great way to start the day!!  The drive wasn't too bad. We stopped several times on the way there and on the way home. We got the baby out so he could nurse and be out of his car seat for a while. It took longer to get there, but he was a little happier that way. He sure hated going in his car seat after that!

Most recently...and most painfully I have gone back to work. Yuck. There really are no words. I knew it would be hard, really I did. I just didn't think that handing my child to someone else to care for during the day would rip my heart out. They don't love him the way I do. And at daycare he will get every sickness coming and going. I dropped him off at daycare with Anthony the first day he went. It was Wednesday, the 18th. I have to say it's the hardest thing I've ever done, to turn and walk away from my baby....my love...my sweet, sweet boy. I had a terrible day at work and cried allll day. Every time someone mentioned him I cried again. The next day was easier because I didn't have to take him to daycare, Anthony drops him off on his way to work. Not to say it was easy to see him go, but it was infinitely easier than actually having to leave him there. I called a couple times a way to check on him. They didn't feed him at the right times, he didn't sleep well...they didn't follow my schedule. It was a train wreck. Every day something else went wrong and I just couldn't stand it. There are webcams in every room so I can watch what goes on all day....and no one holds him unless they're feeding him a bottle. He rotates from the exersaucer to the floor to the swing....to the exersaucer, to the floor, to the swing. I started coming home every day and begging Anthony to just stay home. He held me and petted me and said he thought I could be strong. Then the next day he didn't sleep well....and I begged again. The latest breakdown came on Tuesday of this week. The day before the kids came back...
It's just one thing after another...and I realized they've been heating his bottles because they were starting to melt on the bottom. I specifically told them NOT to heat them, he eats them straight out of the fridge. Anyway, it was like the straw that broke the camel's back. I just broke down again. I was a disaster when Anthony got home and spent my whole evening promising to clip coupons, shop at Aldi, use ALL cloth diapers, sell my breastmilk....just so I could stay home with him. It was another terrible day. Anthony said he wants to give it at least one more week. He's afraid if I made the decision to go back to work..then walk away a few days in that I'm shooting myself in the foot and won't be able to get my job back next year. I'm willing to take that risk, he's not willing to let me.
SO I've asked a distant cousin to keep Lincoln. I think if he were by himself with just one person he would get the interaction I think he needs. He wouldn't get all those nasty germs from sick kids. It would make me feel a million times better, I think. She wants to try a week trial run next week, so we'll see how it goes. I'll keep you posted!

AND...as if that's not enough craziness: Lincoln got his first tooth today!!! It's officially up through his gums! What a big boy! He's growing up WAYYY to fast. He's still mostly on breastmilk, but he's getting cereal at home once a day. I can start fruits and veggies....I'm just not ready to let him yet! I don't want him to grow up so fast. I know I can't hold him back, but it just seems like it's flying by! The last time we went to the doctor he weighed 17 pounds, 14 ounces. He had a fever before he started daycare last week so I took him to get checked out...just teething I guess. Anyway...tomorrow is support group with the baby girls! I'm so excited to see them all again. It's been a while! We'll weigh him again, I'm sure he's passed the 18 pound mark by  now! 

He'll be 5 months old next week!! He's rolling allll over the floor...he is starting to sit up by himself, too! I think today he sat by himself for almost 3 minutes! It's crazy! I put him in the middle of the bed yesterday and he rolled off!! It didn't take 5 seconds, and there he was...bonk!...in the floor screaming at me! I just turned my back for a second....bless his heart! I know mommies do silly stuff....I guess I can count that as one of mine. I felt so terrible! 

I'm still trying to get over feeling like I had a baby so I can go to work and support him. It's so silly to only see him for 4 hours a day. Why do we do this to ourselves?! Why can't all mommies just stay home and raise their babies? I'll keep you posted, but I'm guessing I'm going to stay at work. I just hope Denise just LOVES this baby and wants to love him as much as I do! 

3 comments:

Tori said...

I love this baby... I don't have classes on Mondays or Fridays... I wish I could keep him!!!

LynetteRyhal said...

I love all your new pics! And I'm sorry that you're going through such a difficult time. I really pray that you find a new situation that works for you. It's killing me as well...and I am reacting in many of the same ways. When I drop her off, I cry. If Dave drops her off, I do a lot better. Her interrupted sleep schedule is what's bugging me the most. Anyway, glad I got to see you at support group tonight and talk about it. Hope to see you tomorrow!!

Anonymous said...

That schooner is not small!