Thursday, January 5, 2017

Yesterday was hard

God is so good. His plan is perfect. That's why He lets us completely forget what it's like to have a newborn. We're able to block out the sheer exhaustion, the crazy amount of diapers that need to be changed, and the hours and hours and HOURS spent nursing. 

This chair and I have become greatly reacquainted. 

Nursing has been really great and also very hard this time. Sweet Lorelei latched right on from the very first time in the hospital. The nurses in the baby nursery even commented on her barracuda suck reflex. It all started out great. Then the soreness kicked in. 😳 

We started out using the nipple shield to get us both into the hang of things. When the soreness started I decided to try without the shield. That helped for a few days but then got REALLY sore. So much so that I decided to take a day off and just pump. Anthony fed her bottles and let me have a break. She has taken bottles just fine from the start. That helped a bit and we started back on the shields again. It's much less painful that way overall. 

Aside from New Years Eve that was REALLY really hard, we've done really well together and she's been happy and really only cries when she's hungry. NYE was different and she screamed all. Day. Long. It was miserable. I was home alone without help for nearly 2 hours and she screamed the whole time. She was so full of gas and her little tummy was hurting. We made it through. 

Yesterday was also a very hard day. She was sooooo hungry! It was our first true day of cluster feeding. She had already nursed 7 times by noon!! (Typically she nurses 7-8 times a day!)  So yesterday she nursed nearly every hour. And she nursed for 20-30 minutes each time. So I would only have about 30 minutes between feedings to do anything. And most of that time she was still crying or fussy. Talk about exhausting!

Wednesdays are great days because the big kids go to Grammy's house for the day. It's my day to get things done and run errands. However, that obviously didn't happen. I tried to leave. I did. I packed up the diaper bag, put her in the car seat and actually pulled the van out of the basement....with her screaming the whole time. I decided it wasn't worth it. I unpacked us and went back in the house. No one wants to ride around with a screaming baby, much less try to push her around a store. 
Anthony came home early and let me go to town alone. Hallelujah!! It was really very nice to spend some time by myself without someone needing something from me. 

She continued to fuss like crazy and Anthony fed her 5 oz from a bottle over a span of 2 hours. I don't know how she could hold all that in her tummy at one time. Thankfully she slept all through church and the ride home. And it was Family Night so I didn't have to cook dinner!!

I know there will be hard days...and nights, But overall this peanut is so good, She sleeps most nights from around 9 or 10 till 3-4. She's usually awake after for about an hour then sleeps again until 7-8. She usually nurses every 3 hours or so depending on the day and what our activities are. She's definitely going ti have to be "go with the flow". She'll just be where we are, 

The weather is calling for a few inches of snow this weekend. Maybe we will celebrate her birth, Christmas, and her first snow all in her first month!

Thursday, December 22, 2016

In which Daddy goes back to work

I knew this day was coming. I've been a bit worried for a while. Having Anthony home for 2 weeks has been such a blessing!! 

He has done laundry, washed countless numbers of dishes, fed the big kids, changed tons of diapers, ran errands, been my gopher, and more. Most of all, he has loved me. He has hugged, snuggled, kissed, and told me how much he loves me. Nothing is more important than that. 

It certainly helped this momma feel better after coming home with baby #3. I may have been a bit stressed and overwhelmed by the thoughts of a newborn. Through it all we've worked as a team and gotten done what needed to be done. 

So today I managed to get all FOUR of us dressed, fed, ready, and out the door. We were even on time to Little Bit's doctor appointment. HUGE accomplishment!!!! So proud of myself. 

LK and I even ran by the grocery store to get my plan ahead dinner meal. We picked the big kids up from Grammy's and headed home to do school work. What an adventure that was!

Anthony has been doing most of the schooling since LK was born. So having all 3 to myself today and trying to get anything accomplished was quite interesting. We managed. It just took an extra little while. Phew. Thank goodness for Christmas Break! We all need one. 

All the children are fed and happy. That's really all that matters. Maybe the floor will get vacuumed tomorrow. Maybe. 

Perhaps the dishwasher will get unloaded tonight. Perhaps not. 

But we're all alive!

And we're all together. 💗

Friday, July 17, 2015

Kindergarten is coming

My heart starts beating fast. I feel a tightening of my chest, like something pressing on me. I have to stop and think about taking deep breaths.

No I'm not watching a scary movie...I'm thinking about sending Lincoln to school!

Just the mere thought of letting him leave me every day makes me have what feels like a mild panic attack. And it's not because I'm some crazy momma who can't let her kids go. (I don't think.) It's really, truly because I know the world. I know what will happen to him. I've already been there and I don't want my precious boy to go through it.

People will be mean, kids won't like him, teachers will fuss at him, girls will break his heart, people will make him mad. I just want to cradle his innocence in my hands and keep it forever. He's never heard curse words. He doesn't have a vocabulary of dirty words. He doesn't know that people are often mean on purpose. He doesn't know the story doesn't always end happily ever after.

He is so sweet, loving, forgiving, helpful, and precious. He goes out of his way to help me, he adores his little sister, He loves trucks and planes and cars and trains. He loves to read books and play with his cars. He loves music and loves to dance. He loves Disney movies. He's a little water bug and would swim every day if we could. He knows who Jesus is. He knows that He loves us, no matter what. He knows that he will always be forgiven, he only has to ask. He knows he is always protected from people who want to hurt him or be mean to him.

How do I let this precious bundle that God has entrusted to me go? How do I leave him in a building filled with other children and adults and walk away? How do I know they'll love him, take care of him, watch out for him, stick up for him? How do I spend my days without him? How do we rearrange our lives to revolve around school and sports?

Right now I can't even think about it without heart palpations and watery eyes. It is a deadline that is looming over my head like a monstrous black storm cloud. Summer's ending....school is coming. And our lives will be forever changed.

I know...you're saying I should know how this works, I was a teacher. And I say to you, "Exactly!!" I know how mean kids are, I know teachers have bad days, I know things get overlooked, I know bullies get away with way too much, I know that 2nd graders talk about sex. I know some little people have seen more in their 7 years than I have in my 33. I know they'll teach him bad habits and bad words. I know he will come home mad at me some days for no reason at all.

What I don't know is...how to manage my emotions. I pray every day that God will relieve this stress, worry, fretting, anxiety. I truly don't know how I can drop him off on that first day and leave him behind. It feels like my whole world is changing and nothing will ever be the same again. I don't want to lose who Lincoln is. I don't want him to lose his personality, beliefs, sweetness. I don't want him to not see me as his whole world, his most important person, his best friend. I don't want him to be pressured into the ways of the world. I don't want him to lose sight of what's most important.

So tell me this...how do I hold it together on that BIG day? How do I walk him to class and take his picture without breaking down? How do I keep those tears away until I walk out the door? How do I let him know I'm more proud of him than anything in the whole wide world? How do I focus on this day being one of the biggest days of his life without crying like a baby? I honestly don't know how I'm going to do it. I type this while not just crying, but sobbing. Lincoln is a huge part of my world.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Can't Believe He's FIVE!!


How did this happen? How did he get so big? Where did the time go?

I've asked myself these questions all day long, and still no answer reveals itself. I have cried off and on all day thinking about the blessing that this little man is. I've reminisced through old photos looking for one from every day of his birthday for that collage. There were pictures of my sweet Moppy.

And of Anthony's sweet grandmother, Matilda.

Sweet, sweet ladies who are no longer here to celebrate this day with us. Oh how I wish he could have known them more. 
There are also pictures of all the precious people in our lives as they met our first born for the very first time.














 What amazing, supportive friends and family we have! We love you all are are incredibly thankful you all are a part of Lincoln's life.

He is beautiful, silly, intelligent, has a memory like an elephant, loves music, and is half of my heart. There is no love like a mother for her son. It's amazing how much our lives have changed because of this small person.

He loves riding his motorcycle and bicycle, he's been without training wheels since last summer, right after turning 4. He can count to 50 with minimal help. He still stumbles after 39 and 49. He can tie his shoes (though it's very loose) but it makes him frustrated most days. He can spell and write his first name and half of his last. He can remember any song after hearing it only a few times. A few of his favorites right now are the Kirk Franklin songs he listens to in Daddy's car, Still I Fly from Planes: Fire & Rescue, and we listen to a Now That's What I Call Music Disney edition CD, he knows all the words to every one of those songs! 

He loves his Legos and got several sets of Duplos for his birthday...including one of Knights and horses from us, construction sets from EE..and he plays with Aspen's Sophia Lego's too. :)

Most days he adores his little sister (though that sometimes comes out as aggravation). He just can't leave her alone. He's always touching her, trying to play with her by taking her things away, or trying to pick her up. 

His favorite places to eat are Kobe's (Japanese) and China View (Chinese) followed closely by any Mexican place. His favorite color is usually blue.
I think we're going to Chuck E Cheese to celebrate tonight...as long as he's feeling better. It stinks being sickly on your birthday. He started running a fever yesterday after nap, about 101. I gave him Advil and waited it out but the fever hung around for a while. He woke up last night unhappy and shivering so we gave him more Advil and some cough meds. Bless his heart. He slept until nearly 8:40 this morning and had a temp of 101.3 when I first checked. Anthony ran for Tylenol this morning before work so I've been keeping him on a schedule alternating meds. 

He opened his presents this morning as soon as he awoke. We got him Lego Duplo knight set and a super awesome pair of motorcycle pants! He said "This is the best birthday ever!!"


We managed to get out to have lunch with Daddy at Dos Amigos. It was rough getting there, Lincoln sure didn't feel well and he fell apart on me before we left the house. Sigh.

Happy Happy Birthday sweet boy! I pray for you every night that God would lead you where you were supposed to go...and to become the man He has made you to be. We love you more than you will ever understand. I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.










Thursday, January 15, 2015

Today's fun

So far today we've had some pretty interesting experiences. We decided to go on a time share tour to get cheaper Disney tickets. We will never never never do that again!!! It wasn't what they told us on the phone. it was supposed to last much longer than they said, and Anthony had to raise a fuss to get us out of there. The manager they assigned to us for the tour told us that most of the people who came to view their property today would be there for about five hours and five different people were supposed to talk to them to try to get them to purchase.
Because Anthony told him pretty much upfront that we were not going to buy we were just there for the tickets we were assigned a manager instead of a sales person and he walked us through the typical spiel. And then he let us leave because we needed to pick up Anthony's parents from the airport. We did tour one of the rooms and it was super nice but if you pay $300 every month for 10 years you end up paying $30,000 for a one week stay in Orlando every year. And we saw people signing papers right and left. People are crazy.

The children are finally taking a nap and Anthony is on his way to the airport to pick up the grandparents. Then we're headed to downtown Disney for some shopping and some fun tonight.

We made it!

We literally stopped 9 times. 
The kids watched maybe 3-4 movies. 
They colored and used all the fun new stuff in their bags.
Aspen made it to the bathroom and didn't have any accidents all day!
We snacked, we ate, we watched movies.

We made it to our super nice condo around 6 o'clock. It has four bedrooms and 3 1/2 baths so everyone has their own space and even Grammy and Dadaw can be downstairs in their own bedroom.
The kids loved it as soon as we walked in. And they've already asked if there are pools. And Lincoln says he doesn't care how cold it is he wants to be cold in the water.


Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Boo traffic

Orlando traffic at 5pm is no joke. 
GPS says were only 12 miles from the house but who know how long it will take!!
5:25pm