Yes, I'm like Hem and Haw....I do NOT like change. Let me explain.
So we had an end of the year faculty meeting this morning before our principal let us know what our staff placements would be for next year. Due to the fact that she was planning on moving a large number of people around another teacher volunteered to read a children's book about change. The title is Who Moved My Cheese? If you haven't read it check out the basic idea here: http://talktokate.com/books/who-moved-my-cheese-for-kids-by-spencer-johnson/.
I am happy with my old cheese. In fact, I LIKE my old cheese. I don't want to go out into the scary maze to find new cheese. I'd like to just wait right here until someone returns my old cheese.
But, alas, that is not going to happen...Today I was informed that I'm moving to 2nd grade. After teaching in 4th grade for the last 3 years, and having taught either 3rd or 4th grade for my whole 8 year teaching career you might say I'm quite concerned. I'm so overwhelmed I don't even know where to start. I have to move rooms of course, so I feel like there's sooo much to be done that I can't even begin to pack. Today after she told us our assignments I literally just wandered around the school talking to others who had been moved to see how they were feeling. Now I have one more paid workday and probably a week's worth of work to be done before I have my classroom moved. Plus once I get moved I'll have to organize and put up posters and such.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I'm simply stating facts. I'm trying VERY hard to be positive about this. My principal tells me this will give me more of an opportunity to be creative and integrate even more technology. Plus, it's a little less stress b/c it's not a testing grade. I'm nervous because I have no idea how they do the K-2 assessments, or how they do their grading. They don't use grades, they give 1-4. Who knows!?
The sermon at church on Sunday was about insecurity and fear and how we need to overcome. How it's the devil working on us and when we feel that we should start to pray. It was a very hard lesson to sit through. I already felt like I had been attacked and was being judged as a person and not a very good teacher. So to hear the preacher say we needed to get rid of our insecurities it stung a little bit.
I'm not sure what I'm doing here. I don't know what to do on the first day at school. I don't know what they can do. I don't know how much these babies can read. I don't know how to help these babies read better. I don't know what to teach. I don't know how to deal with teaching math and science again. I don't even have manipulatives. I don't know how their calculators work. I don't have enough books for them to read. I don't know what to do with them all day...
I am trying very hard to look at this as a good thing. I can do anything once. I can try anything once. I can give it my best shot.
Let's just hope I make some progress on my room tomorrow. I have a feeling I'm going to be at school this summer more than ever before. I realllly try hard not to go to school at all over break. In fact, I won't even talk about school if someone asks. And I won't tell them when school starts back until the month of August. I just am not a teacher in the summer months. Take that however you want, but it's how I work. I get to truly be Kyla over the summer. I get to be the best mommy ever over the summer. I get to be the best wife ever over the summer. That is truly who I am and who I love being. Let's hope that now being a 2nd grade teacher fits into that equation!